This is a potentially fiery topic, so I will try to tread carefully with my opinions on the matter. In all probability, this might result in some comments along the lines of “It’s nobody’s business to suggest when and how many kids I should have“. Towards that end, let me clarify that the objective of this post is not to suggest when (or how many) kids you should have; the objective is to create some valid (and probably difficult) questions that wannabe parents should address before having children.
This is what started the thought process (source):
A smaller family is usually defined as a family consisting of only one or two children. Having fewer children has many advantages. One of the biggest advantages is financial. Many parents find that a smaller family size means more there are more monetary resources to devote to each child. Paying for a private school or college education can be less difficult. A family with only one or two children can buy cheaper housing because the entire family can easily fit into a three bedroom starter house or two bedroom apartment. They can use a standard four door car and still make sure each child is securely tucked in a child’s car seat. Daycare costs are also cheaper for smaller families enabling a parent to return to work without breaking the family budget.
These are some serious practical issues to be considered before a couple decides to have children (one or more). However, during our past discussions with some couples who recently became *proud* parents, it was very obvious that they downplayed the financial issues involved with raising a child. In fact, one of the couples was in dire straits (financially) before and during their pregnancy. This couple, on being asked whether they had set some financial milestones before deciding to have kids, said something to this effect “..it’s not a financial decision - you just know it when the time is right to have kids“.
Honestly, to me, that sounds a bit selfish. Yeah… the time may be *right* for the parents to soak in the joy of parenthood, but what about the kid - is the time right for him/her? Towards this end, here is something to ponder over: if you are struggling to make ends meet, how are you going to take care of your kid for the next 16 ~ 17 years?
To give you a general perspective, here are some numbers from an MSN Money article (it’s an interesting piece, I encourage you to go ahead and read the rest of it):
For 2004, the newest data available, the U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates that families making $70,200 a year or more will spend a whopping $269,520 to raise a child from birth through age 17. Higher-income families in urban areas in the West spend the most, $284,460.
Though not as steep, the figures for lower-income families are just as unsettling: $184,320 for families earning $41,700 to $70,200 and $134,370 for families making less than that. That breaks down to nearly $15,000 a year from birth to age 2 for families in the $65,800 -plus income bracket. As your child ages, he or she gets even more expensive, topping out at $15,810 from ages 15 to 17.
Updated: Link to 2006 USDA data source (pdf file)
Of course, the numbers are just averages and focus only on certain specific aspects of child-raising, but they do give a sense of the order-of-magnitude of the expenses. In fact, later in that article, here is what it says about the statistics:
Sobering? No doubt. Misleading? Absolutely. On the down side, the study doesn’t take into account certain expenses incurred by some families, such as heavy medical bills or pricey private schools. It’s a composite average and, by definition, that means your numbers either will be a little (or a lot) higher or lower.
Whether the statistics faithfully portray the real picture or not, to those who don’t have any financial milestones in place, my only question to you is - are you prepared for such expenses (whatever your number may be)?
In my opinion, financial issues in raising your children have the potential to transcend your abilities to be a good parent. You could have the best mom/dad instincts in the world, but without *sufficient* financial planning, you might have a hard time acting on those instincts.
This brings up another interesting question - so, people who are in a self-inflicted financial mess make bad parents?
No, people in a financial mess don’t necessarily make bad parents - it’s just that their financial situation may, at times, force them to make decisions which are not in the best interest of their children [of course, it is not necessary that people who are financially well-off make good parents - but for now, let's stay away from that topic of discussion 
].
What’s your take on this issue? if you were deep in debt (or some such financial difficulty), at what point would you decide against (or in favor of) having children? how strongly would your financial situation influence the number of kids you have?
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You only need to see a few spoiled brat rich kids to know that having money doesn’t make great kids or families (Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, et al).
People overly freak out about the cost of children. Let me tell you from experience that unless you’re very wealthy you will never be financially ready in your mind.
My opinion is don’t sweat the finances that much. I’m not saying ignore it as a factor, but place finances a lower on the priority list prior to having a child. Things like having a loving and stable marriage goes a lot further than money. Having supportive extended family is more important. Having yourself together mentally and physically is more important.
The opposite side of the coin are women who wait until they are financially secure to have children only to find out that getting pregnant at 30-something is not as easy (no matter how many stories of old women giving birth we read about).
Fertility treatment are both painful and expensive. Taking care of a child with birth defects is expensive as well, and the rate of certain conditions increase exponentially with age.
A lot more women regret not having had children when they still could than having children earlier and having more difficult financial situation as a result.
I think the cost of kids is often blown out of proportion. Sure they can cost a lot if you are not smart about it, but like anything a little homework and some common sense can make all the difference.
I look at my wife’s family of 11 who have only lived on 1 income (milk man) and while they may not have been able to travel the world or take extravagant vacations - they live in a very nice house out in the country, with a large pool, playground, etc and have lived a very normal life.
I only have 1 kid of my own - another one coming in the next week or so, but honestly I have noticed very little expense in raising our son (I know he’s only 2 the fun has yet to begin), but at this point I would say the tax break I get for having my son is actually making me money on the process.
I agree completely with you that if you don’t have sound finances having a kid could push you over the edge, but so could buying a new car or a house you can’t afford. I agree this is a touchy subject and I think you brought up some very valid points, but I always take issue with the $$ thrown around by the experts on what it costs to raise a child. Who knows I’m early into this game and maybe I will look back and think what an idiot I was, but I honestly think starting a family or even having a big family can be managed without ruining your finances.
Edit: Ok my wife stays home with our son and if we didn’t have him she would be working so maybe it’s costing us a little more than I originally thought, but I guess with decisions like this it’s not a purely financial decision, but agree that finances should be taken into consideration…..ok I’ve rambled on long enough now and not really made a point
Many of us, religiously inclined or otherwise, do not subscribe to birth control as acceptable.
Based upon your opine, a poor family shouldn’t have children. It is striking, but that is the conclusion one must take.
My husband and I actually had this discussion last week after yet another friend asked me when we were going to start having children. We have been married for almost 3 years and bought a house a little over a year ago. For the neighborhood and the size of the house it was a steal due to the updating that needed to be done on the inside. We put about $20,000 worth of remodeling into it and still have plans to increase its value.
We have a few thousand dollars in cc debt and, after this discussion, decided that we would wait until it was paid off before we started trying to conceive (our payoff plan has already been in motion and we’ll have the cc debt and a car paid off in 6 months). I believe that having an emergency fund and being debt free are vitally important before adding the expense of a baby to the equation. Not all pregnancies and babies are healthy and the added potential cost could drown a couple.
And, being in my early 30’s, if I’m unable to have children and we decide on fertility treatments, at least it will not dig our family into a deeper debt hole.
Ohhhh, this is a very touchy subject. Children not only causes financial but you may not have a life. You don’t have a chance to hang out with your own peers. I know couples that have 5 children and feel they can have more. It usually b/c of their religious beliefs. The problem is that they have no comfort room, no one is going to take care of your 5 children if you want to get away. That’s what I hear. It also causes marital problems. And for as a day eating out with the family is highly unusal. So you are constanly paying $600 or more of groceries a month and sometimes cooking when you want to go out and eat.
There is no comfort.
My Mom had 7 children and it was a struggle. Growning up with that many siblings made me not want a big family. Because I seen the stress my mother went through.
Joseph and MoneyMonk: I deliberately steered clear of religion (or even cultural) beliefs and patterns. Religion and cultural background are very vital parts of the “having children” equation - but these issues are very complicated to discuss without running the risk of hurting someone. Be assured that this post, in NO way, makes ANY slanted remarks at ANY religious/cultural beliefs.
Try to look at it from the point of view of providing good health care for your kids, good schools, good housing and neighborhood, and a generally stress-free atmosphere - and the compromises you might have to make in these things just because of insufficient financial planning.
I think that more of the problem comes from not having a financial plan than anything else. You can raise a family well on all sorts of incomes but you should consider how you will manage the financial cost and what you will have to sacrifice in order to afford children.
That said, I don’t think that finances would have a big impact on any decision of mine to have a child - but then I don’t want any kids anyway.
heh heh. There was an article Boston Gal featured a while ago about how the new posh thing for families to do is raise a lot of children because they can afford it.
I think financial considerations are important, but the media really blows out of proportion the future cost of things. Sure a college education is going to be expensive in the future. It’s expensive now. But providing what your kids NEED versus what you WANT to provide or what they BEG for are two different things. Yeah, maybe it’s a bad idea to have three male boys within 5 years because as teens, you’ll never have any food in the house, but with wise financial management, it could be done.
Kudos to you for putting the notion of wise financial management out there for would-be-parents to consider. FWIW, I am childless and haven’t made up my mind on the child-front. Sometimes I think if I have enough stability in my life financially, I could be a single mom. Other people have done it with less than what I have now.
This is a bit of a touchy subject for me because I am not able to have children and have always wanted them.
It is a personal decision for every woman or family and it depends on each individual situation and how much a woman wants to have children and how she’d feel if it turns out she can’t. A lot of women can have children even when they are 42, but some cannot conceive at 38 or 35 or even 32. Success rate of fertility treatments after 35 is very low. On the other hand, miscarriage rate, risk of Down syndrome, etc. goes up with age.
It is up to an individul to decide, but in addition to the question “are you prepared for the financial responsibility” any woman deciding to wait should also answer the question “how much do you want to have children”, “will you regret your decision if you find you are no longer able to have children by the time you are ready” and “are you prepared for extra health risks that come with having a child later in life (birth defects, miscarriage, increased breast cancer risk, pregnancy complications, etc.)” I’d imagine the “right” answer would be different for each person.
“I am not able to have children and have always wanted them.”
Kitty, you can have children. There are millions in the world that need a mommy.
I agree with many of the comments already made. Couple of points for me anyway:
1) Money doesn’t equal happiness, children do. I have seen many very poor families that were very happy, including their children.
2) If you really love your children, you sacrifice whatever is required to provide your kids what they need. Now I stress the “what they need”. If you aren’t ready or willing to do that, than you aren’t ready for kids.
3) Many of things that inflate these figures IMHO aren’t required, things like private school, fancy cars, big houses, etc. I grew up without these things and think I turned out just fine, and was very happy.
4) Interesting and thought provoking article that I agree is a very personal choice.
The comment I most agree with…
@Ted Valentine - I agree 100%, “unless you’re very wealthy you will never be financially ready in your mind.”
Golbguru,
Having children has made us more frugal
as I posted in http://my-wealth-builder.blogspot.com/2007/02/having-children-has-made-us-more-frugal.html
Usually our income is not so good, so we should be careful about child(ren)
I agree with this post, that the financial situation should be assessed before having children. I am 27 years old with lots of cc and student loan debt. Most of my peers already have started having children, I have decided to wait both for financial reasons and otherwise. The biggest thing for me is to have an e-fund in place before even thinking of having kids.
Let’s not even start discussing the cost of childcare. In nyc it costs a bundle.
All I am going to say is that you are a very brave blogger to take on this subject. I think it’s great that you addressed it, since so many of the financial blogs just regurgitate the financial memememe of the day. This is a breath of fresh air.
Quite thought-provoking!
“Kitty, you can have children. There are millions in the world that need a mommy.”
I considered it but being single it is not that easy. I thought about foreign adoptions, but never quite mastered the courage. At any rate, my personal situation is irrelevant to the point I was tryint to make - that women should not forget health and biology when making their decision. I’ve met a lot of women who missed their chance and lived to regret it.
Here is an ObGyn’s post on the matter with nice charts illustrating what I was trying to point out:
http://theblogthatatemanhattan.blogspot.com/2006/01/how-to-get-pregnant-part-ii-biological.html
From someone who is nearing the end of the child-raising years (one is 16, one is 20), I suggest that Plonkee has it right…
“… you should consider how you will manage the financial cost and what you will have to sacrifice in order to afford children.”
The question is not “Should you let financial situations determine your decision to try to have children?”…it’s “Are you really aware how having children is going to affect your financial situation so you can plan accordingly?”
Although the figures cited in the article may sound high, I’d bet that most young parents completely UNDERestimate how much money (AND time) they are going spend on their children before they are done.
Remember, bringing another person into the world is a responsibility. Are you ready?
It is sometimes tough raising one, we are raising an adopted grand baby, a zoo trip yesterday cost about $50, entrance fees, to eat and for gas. We don’t usually splurge and do things like that but it was cheaper than having a birthday party that is for sure. It is tough when you have to say no to put food on the table, we are supposed to be spoiling her and then sending her home, but unfortunately due to drug issues, she was put into foster care. We wouldn’t trade her for the world but was not planning for this at this stage in our lives.
Kitty - Having adopted a child, its never easy. If its courage you lack, don’t let that stop you. There’s nothing wrong with international adoption, but there are lots of kids stuck in homes in the US that want nothing more than a loving mom. The reward is more than worth any cost or trouble or fear.
I had to take my poor relations visiting from another country to Bronx Zoo once (my cousin who is a single mother of two, her mother and her two boys). I was already spending too much on their visit - they stayed for a month so just food for all of them, not to mention trips to NYC was quite a lot, so I wasn’t in the mood to buy tickets for 4 people. So I took a vacation day and went on Wednesday: donation rather than entrance fee, so you can give as much or as little as you like. I also packed some sandwitches and fruit. My cousin bought one of her sons a hotdog, but the older son and adults ate sandwitches. Bottom line - you can always find cheaper ways for these things depending on what your means are.
Rich kids don’t always grow up to be the happiest or better people. Most of my friends are first-generation immigrants who came to the US with exactly $120 per person - all we were allowed to take out of our native country. Many came with kids who were young during the first few years in the US. So everyone cut corners, and guess what - nobody I know raked up cc debt. The kids still came out OK, went to college (most on scholarship, some took loans, many worked their way through college) and became engineers or even doctors. Children understood that their parents cannot afford everything they want. You don’t have to have expensive toys to be happy and learning early on that you cannot afford everything you want really helps to avoid getting into debt later in life.
I agree that people should be ready to make sacrifices for their children - it is a tremendous responsibility. I was simply saying that if you really want children, you shouldn’t wait until you are “rich enough” because as the doctor in the link in my previous post said “there is no fix for year 35 bug”. It all really depends on how much you want kids and if you are prepared to make sacrifices.
I really enjoyed this post and all the comments. A touchy issue for sure. My husband and I have been married for over four years, and have spent all of that time building up our self-employment, paying on our mortgage, and paying off debts that we incurred to start our business. As of next month, we’ll only have mortgage debt. We said from the beginning that we would not have a child while we still had any non-mortgage debt, and we didn’t. As with most issues in life, everyone has to determine their own comfort levels with the baby and finances issue. But I disagree with the idea that we have to be careful about making sure we’re not telling people when to have kids or how many to have. That’s very nice and PC, but some people need to be told. Like Ashley: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070602120837AAgY12T
If you still haven’t paid off the medical bill from your first birth, why are you having baby number 3? (or 2?)
If we have a baby, we will be buying just about everything second-hand. We will buy cloth diapers (I found them online for about $2 apiece), our child will not go to private school, we will continue to live in our “starter house” and we will only be paying a portion of our child’s college education (we’ll expect him or her to foot at least half the bill). We will have to pay for some extras like health insurance, but all told, barring a serious medical issue, we should break about even after the tax deduction we get. So I second all the comments people have made about the costs of raising a child being seriously overinflated by the people who think that they have to have a $900 stroller and a $2000 crib just to start things rolling.
This is a touchy topic but one that should be discussed by anyone who is contemplating having kids. I had NO idea how much raising kids would cost prior to actually getting pregnant. No one really talks about the nuts and bolts of raising kids. Prior to having kids the thing I heard about was the cost of private school or the importance of saving for college. Well, frankly, those are luxuries. The cost of quality childcare is very expensive in this country. I remember being pregnant with our first and looking at daycare centers and being so depressed. Anyways, that said, I really encourage young couples who know that they want kids to not wait too long before trying. I’ve seen people wait until all of their ducks are in a row and then have enormous problems getting pregnant. As one commenter mentioned this can lead to expensive fertility treatments. Not to mention the psychological toll / strain on a couple. I personally can’t imagine having more than 2 children.
Mapgirl mentioned big families as being status symbols. I read an article about how having three kids is now a status symbol in NYC as it means you must have a LOT of money. Crazy.
“if you are struggling to make ends meet, how are you going to take care of your kid for the next 16 ~ 17 years?” - this is the common phrase that usually discourages couples to have kids. You know, being wealthy and poor is such an uncertain thing in fact. Some people who make enough money still think it’s not enouhg to raise kids decently. So, they, too, refuse from children. I personally think that money is really important but even more important is the state of your mind and determination to sacrifice for your future kids…
Interesting post … as the father of 6 children, I have to agree that kids can be very expensive.
However, having said that, I know that as a father I will always manage to make ends meet, even if that means working two jobs so my wife can stay home for a few years with the kids. You cut corners, you scrimp a little, you go out less … you manage.
And the value of having these children has turned out to be so much more than the money I spend on them. It’s a calculation that can’t be computed with numbers, but has to be a combination of the head and the heart.
I just wrote a book on raising larger families and interviewed many parents of four and more kids in the process. Most of them had done some kind of financial planning, though some took a more faith-based, “God will provide” mindset (which, by the way, seemed to be working just fine for most of them…) And none of them were the “children as status symbols” types that we keep hearing about in the media…
Anyway, like anything else, planning helps; and on the surface fewer children would seem to cost less money to raise. But luck, expectations and lifestyle, and the region where you live all factor in pretty heavily too. A family of seven or eight can live in some regions on what would cost a family of three in others. And most people I know spend about what they earn–regardless of how many kids they have, or whether they have any at all. As a culture most of us seem to have lost sight of the fine art of saving money for a rainy day and making sure we’re prepared for the future, but that’s not in any way limited to kids. If anything, I’ve seen people do some pretty amazing things with their budgets when faced with a strong desire to put their kids in a better school, stay home with a new baby instead of returning to work, or pay down debt so they can buy a larger house with a yard. Maybe we should be asking whether having kids makes bad financial planners better.
Interesting discussion!
I have read that the more children a man has, the more his income goes up. Of course this came from MommyLife.net, and she has 12 kids.
I have 4 and I can tell you that I spend less on them than most people spend on two. They are creative about earning their own money (my oldest blogs!), they homeschool so clothing and other costs are kept low, we do lots of hand me downs and used clothing, we eat cheaply, etc.
We also don’t do Doctors, not even for “well baby” visits. Breastfeeding for years keeps them healthy and is free.
I think the “kids are expensive” thing is so overblown. Maybe if you want to give them every electronic gadget available and every extracurricular activity that they end up hating, and feed them prepackaged foods, pay extra for overpriced trendy clothing, buy their first car (bad idea imo) and pay their way through college (also a bad idea imo).
Another thing: Ditto Leo’s comment.
Also, homebirth is really inexpensive. It’s cheaper than most people’s insurance deductible for a hospital birth.
Carrie, I disagree that avoiding the doctor is a good way to save money. I’m hugely biased because I am a doctor, but how can your kids get their immunizations if you don’t go to well baby checks? Your children’s health (and your own) are way more important than money!
A friend was just diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer that could have been avoided if he got his colonoscopy at age 50 as recommended. I think everyone knows at least one person with a story like this. Simple preventive health care like immunizations, pelvic exams, colonoscopies and mammograms are huge money savers because they prevent you from having to deal with the costs of serious illness, not to mention that once you find out you have metastatic cancer, you may be dying. I’ve also seen babies who were brain damaged due to lack of oxygen during a prolonged labor when their moms labored at home, not to mention a myriad of other potential complications. Therefore I will never be taking my chances on home birth regardless of how cheap it is to have a kid in the bathtub. Some things (your family’s health) are priceless.
As I noted, I’m quite biased, but I know the statistics and I’ve seen things happen to many of my patients, and I am quite certain that not going to the doctor is a foolish and short sighted way to save money, akin to not having car/homeowners insurance.
I waited a long time to “simmer down” before replying.
NO ONE can be certain they are financially ready before they have children unless they are in the top 5% of income-earners with plenty of rock-solid (more than on paper) money.
Before having our first child, I had a full-time, good job with potential and my spouse was finishing college and had a full-time good job with potential. We had paid off most of our debts, rent was about 20% of income, and we were setting aside money every month.
The birth of our first child, including the two-weeks post-partum stay in a neonatal intensive care unit (had we tried a home birth neither he nor I would be here today), was covered by health insurance except for a few hundred dollars. The actual cost was closer to 50 grand. Health insurance also covered much of the cost of physical and other therapies for the child when he was older and problems appeared.
I was lucky because my work situation allowed me to continue on part-time and take the baby to work with me until he was six months old and my husband’s insurance kicked in. We could not have afforded the child-care rates for a high-risk infant! After six months during which we learned to live on less and saved to pay some debts off early, I left work to care for the baby and we cut back our lifestyle considerably. Fortunately my spouse’s insurance continued to cover us in full.
I was young — 26 when this child was born, 29 when the other was born — and still my health suffered from the child-bearing; my social life now (what social life?) is highly dependent on the demands of child-rearing. We rarely buy new items of any kind, and eat out only on very special occasions. Had I been able to keep working, even part-time, we might have been better off financially, but truthfully the children would have been worse off being cared for by strangers, and both my spouse and I would have missed out on many milestones that are precious.
Furthermore, having the children when we were young means that we can anticipate seeing our grandchildren; being there to provide some insight and assistance when our own children become parents. Neighbors of ours, the age of my parents, adopted kids the ages of our children — they are now missing one parent and the remaining parent isn’t doing so well… We wonder if the children will finish high school with even this parent.
It used to be that families expected to help their children with the grandchildren/nieces and nephews — my parents have helped out a lot with both necessary expenses and some nice extras, so have aunts and uncles at times; the occasional “week off” when one or both children visit a set of grandparents has helped keep us sane. It was not considered a sign of the young parents’ failure as much as a sign of the enduring love of family, and a responsibility one accepted graciously.
So let’s talk about what expenses are necessary for children: whatever it takes for them to have a healthy, abundant diet; a clean-enough, safe home; the availability of activities such as walking, visiting libraries, playing in the mud; and, most importantly, loving parents who are not so distracted by financial concerns that they miss the kids as they grow up. This can happen as well on $10,000/year income as it can on $100,000.
I think the better question to ask is: before you have children, consider if you can set aside your ego enough to wear stained, patched garments in public so you can afford to take your children to the zoo/circus/park or the doctor once in a while?
It is always good to have children. If you start thinking about your finances before having children you will never make ones. So make love not war, the children are the thing in life that really matters.
I am thirty five years old with three small children and one on the way. If I was to think about my finances, before I had children, I would not have started. We have gone through hard times and we have seen times of plenty. The times of hardship teaches our children to be over comers and to persevere through trials. They are being taught to be hard workers and that things are not simply given to us. We have to work for what we get. In the simpler times, we breath easier and give the good Lord thanks for seeing us through the hard times. I am privileged to be a stay at home mom and I wouldnt hand my children over to a daycare center to raise, for the life of me. I have sacraficed alot of things to stay home. We drive older cars and we do not splurge on the unnecessaries. Alot of financial stress is self inflicted because people assume that they need material possessions to make themselves and thier families happy. When, thier children are screaming for a mother who is willing to give her self over to her family. I realize that there are mothers who have sick spouses or whom are single. But for those of us, who are able, we should realy take a look at what our career decisions are doing to our families. If more woman would stay home, there would be more work for our husbands. The men USE to even have the nursing jobs.I feel sorry for the men today who feel like they have to give up thier possitions as the leaders of the homes. I encourage the men to pick themselves up and get back to thier God given rolls. They should begin to even take back some of the nursing possitions and sales possitions that they once had with out feeling like they are “wimps”. Go on guys. I’m all for ya!
this is a reply to Ash,
I realy respect your opinion. A very good friend of mine is a dentist. He knows of my family’s situation (he knows that my husband is a very hard worker). There has been times that he has offered us low cost and some times no cost dentistry. Have you concidered this type of help for low income families who are struggeling to survive, yet trying to give thier family the best environment possible? I’m am a firm believer of hard work but sometimes people need help when times get hard. My dentist friend remembers what it was like struggeling to get through dental school, having to work a part time job on top of all of his studies that he had to do. There were times when he and his wife ate beans and corn bread to survive. They had three children and they had it rough when he first began his practice. He worked hard to get where he is today and I thank God that he still remembers what it was like to be with out. Thank God for compassionate dentists and Doctors who love thier patients, not the patients money! (in no way assuming that Ash is not compassionate). I too have concidered home birth because of the outrageous medical costs. Some of the costs are rediculous and petty. I was fortunate to have my first three with a certified nurse midwife. unfortunately, she relocated and I had to have my third birth at a hostpital (which was also a good experience for me, they allowed me to develope my own birth plan).
HI - I just went through all of this with my husband. We have a 9 month old baby boy. Not considering finances is foolish and selfish - simple as that. You can sugar coat it all you want. I am 31 and was feeling the clock ticking. I wanted to make sure that we did not have to rely on government assistance for anything. Staying home for me is not an option as my employment provides the health insurance for my family - my husband’s does not offer insurance even though he makes a great hourly wage. My portion of the health insurance costs us $500 per month. My son came 11 weeks early - no way to prepare for that - if I did not have the insurance we have - we would be drowning in medical bills and he would not have received the top care that he did. I was able to make choices that many on state aide would have had made for them. He was in the NICU/Special Care Nursery for 6 weeks. During that time I returned to work to save my maternity leave and went to the hospital every evening after work. The hospital was 1 hour each way. During that time we spent $900+ in gas, parking, and tolls. That set us back badly going into winter with oil prices skyrocketing (we have oil heat).
After maternity leave I was able to leave him with my SIL for childcare until this week - she returns to school herself. Infant childcare in $200 a week here in New England any which way you look - and Quality is even more. I have had to make the decision to leave him with another relative that I am uncomfortable doing so with. She has no pareenting style and her children are disrespectful brats. My husband will be laid off this winter and will watch him until spring - at which time I will have found a childcare center. In the mean time I have taken a second job on the weekends in order to be able to pay for it. That is not a good quality of life. We have no luxury in our life. We do not go out ever. We drive used cars - that cost us in repairs each month. We do have a cell phone but I do not consider that a luxury in todays world. Getting a flat tire with a baby in the car or braking down etc is not an option without a cell phone.
I would love to have a 2nd child but that is just adream for us as there is no way we can afford it. Childcare is too much and not having a quality health insurance plan is not an option. Planning a child based on hand me downs and state aide is selfish and irresponsible. I hate that my taxes are paying for other to have more children and I have to make the heartbreaking but responsible decison to stick with just one.
I respect the opposite view of mine, which is to stick with one child because of finances. I know that my beliefs are the biggest factor of why I feel that having a large family is fine. Even when finances are limmited. I have a belief that God will provide and make sure that my family is taken care of. I have faith that he will see me through all of my hardships.
I cut an article out of a magazine (that was about money). It was about a man who was raised durring the depression. He was one of seven children and was so poor that he never had his own bed. What did he learn? If money is your only problem, its not a problem, just an inconvenience. I liked that saying.
We had our first child by accident when my husband was at uni and another one 2 years later. I swore that I would never put my children in daycare until at least 2 yrs old and after that only 1 or 2 days for the social interaction. So we were relying on my husband’s study allownace, my family government payments and my husbands part-time job for money. By most people’s reckoning we were poor and should never have had any children, but we aren’t extravagant people and had a simple but great quality of life. There are always reasons to put off having children…I don’t have a job, we don’t own our own house, what if I lose my job etc but it all worked out beautifully. I can understand people who are used to working and haiving a certain way of life, that it can be a big decision to give that up. Ironically, my husband and I both work now and I would love to have another child, but I question if we could afford going back to one income. Really I shouldn’t worry, for if we can do fine on “no” income we can do fine on 1.
I had to comment. This article is ridiculous. If you are placing financial planning as a top determining factor to having children, maybe you should not have a child. Children do not need material things. They need time with their parents. They need guidance, love, and time with you. My husband and I married young and I decided that I wanted to be a young parent versus waiting until we finished college, bought a house, saved money, blah, blah, blah. Both of our parents were very old in comparison to our childhood friends’ parents. I did not want to do that to my children. We had two children while doing our undergrad, we had a blast. We like to tell people our two younger kids were our college roommates. The only thing I see that we may have sacrificed is taking lavish trips and doing home remodeling projects. We are in the same financial place as other people our age that did the “right†way. The difference is they are now just having children and we are veterans. We were young, but our children have watched us grow over the years. We watched us put ourselves through college, buy our first home, and settle into a professional career path. They know how much work doing this entailed, which brings closeness within our family that I don’t see in others. Our children are very successful in school, sports, social, ect. I believe they are successful, not because of our big house, but the support and love we give (which is free). What is most wonderful? We didn’t follow someone else’s plans or allow other’s judgment dictate how we should have a family. Money is money. You can’t buy happiness. You can’t buy good kids. You can’t buy a good marriage. You certainly can’t buy love. You get love by giving love and you don’t need money. I have seen many good families that are below middle class. Their kids are better behaved and need far less than the kids that this article would suggest. If you live your life by plans, what do you do when it doesn’t work out? Life is what happens while you’re busy planning.
I agree with Leann on this one. I know too may families who have 4 or more children and they did not think of a financial plan. I think people just need to start to adjust, that we once were children ourselves and thinking that having children is such a burden, then why would anyone want to have us? Anyway I’m just saying that because I’ve seen a comment where someone said that it causes marital problems and no room comfort. I disagree because I know a friend who has four other siblings and his parents are constantly wanting to leave each other and it wasn’t over the children (as a matter of a fact no one in the family likes the father despite his ability to provide a home) Sometimes if you’re an ***hole, then you’re an ***hole no matter what you do for people. (This isn’t offending anyone personally here, it was an example.) People feel that children are expensive because of what they see outside and on tv. Whooa baby toys! I can tell you right now everything in Babies R Us is a financial drain and I think children need time with parents and a few toys. NOT A WHOLE CLOSET OF rattles and plushies. I don’t think babies even NEED that much toys, they often sleep more than play.
I have 4 kids and one on the way. I stumbled upon this blog when searching for something else. As long as the government is not aiding you in the rearing of your children I do not see why it should matter to you how many kids I have. In fact, you should be *glad* there are those of us out there will to raise many future productive citizens. One of the reasons social security is in dire straits is b/c at the time of its inception, there were 10 workers for every recipient. Now, our birth rate only matches our death rate. We*need* more young people in this country. There are 2 ways to get them: have more babies, or allow more immigrants to come here.
We are not well off. We do without plenty in order to provide for our kids. My kids wear hand-me-downs and things I find on drastic sales. My kids gain far more than they miss. We don’t go on family vacations, but my kids love each other dearly. My husband and I don’t go out and hire babysitters to watch them, but we love being together as a family. My kids are selfish. They will give to their siblings rather than take for themselves. I do not think it is just b/c of what I have taught them. I think it is due to being in a large family and seeing the benefit of being selfless.
You should be glad I am raising workers. They will one day ease your tax burden. You should only hope that more do the same.
People with kids just spend their money on different things. We have five kids and live on one income. We have a big house and a minivan and we do get to go out without the kids from time to time. The thing is, we enjoy spending most of our time with them, and they do become more self sufficient over time. Breastfeeding and homeschooling save money as well as keeping baby equipment, handing down clothes, etc. I recently had a conversation with some people in their forties. One had one child and the other had two. Both regretted not having more when they were younger. Nobody gets to be 80 years old and then regrets having so many kids. Instead, they often regret not having more.
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