When I compare my current financial choices with those from the span of time when I was single, I notice some peculiar changes. Just to mention a few (out of many), things that have seen an *upgrade* after getting married: choice of apartment, choice of clothes and footwear, home decor stuff, choice of furniture and so on. It’s not like we try not to be frugal…it just happens at times. In our case, one of the reasons for this upgrade is the change in our individual perceptions of our *requirements*. There were many things which were not really *required* when I was single, but suddenly became requirements after marriage. For example, when I was single, I didn’t care what I wore, I didn’t have a car, I didn’t care what type of apartment I lived in, or how far the apartment was from my school…but now all those things are important considerations. Earlier (when single), the choice always came to “will make do with whatever is cheaper“. However, after the change in status, the choice has been generally coming to “will choose what is better“. 
Another reason is that, sometimes, my perception of frugality is different from my wife’s perception of frugality. For example, when we are trying to buy a certain object for a given price, I may think it’s frugal to buy it, while my wife may think otherwise. When this happens, the decision can go either ways…but mostly ends up being a non-frugal decision.
In an attempt to explain this, I am proposing a “frugality table” …on the lines of the mathematical “truth table”. The table shows individual perceptions of a couple (whether married or just living together) on whether something is frugal or not and their resulting combined decision. Let me know if you agree with this.
Btw, don’t confuse this with increase or decrease in your net worth (I know many bloggers who had rapidly increasing net worth after marriage); this is just about how your concept of frugality changes with the change in your status.The bottomline is that when you are married (or live with a partner), it’s just not enough to say “I will be frugal”; one needs to think in terms of how we will be frugal. I think this is what makes frugal decisions a bit difficult.Have you experienced something like this? Do you think it’s easier to be frugal when single?
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I would guess that usually, single people spend a lot on clothes. You have to make a good first impression! If anything, I would expect this to decline when one gets married, unless there’s a big career change or some other requirement for better clothes. Why wouldn’t the clothes that were good enough when you were dating be good enough once you’re married?
YES!
Probably depends on your point of view.
At least, I suppose if you’re the more frugal one in the relationship. My husband thinks I’m a skinflint, I think he’s a spendthrift (obviously both hyperbole). There was far less waste (on my end, at least) before we got married.
On the other hand, he might disagree with me entirely.
I would say it was easier for me to be to be frugal before I was in a relationship. One of the largest issues with my boyfriend is the fact that we don’t always like the same type of food or household objects. We combine our incomes but it is still harder to manage finances when looking at pleasing both people. I can eat on the cheap whereas he tends to like specialty items and has specific dietary requirements. I won’t even get into our differences with household decor!
YES for sure. When you have kids, watch out. How can you skimp on the kids you know….
Anyway I was so miserly as a single person, I was teased mercilessly. Now it’s harder to save at the same rate I used to with a bigger family.
Without considering whether it’s frugal or not, the fact that after marriage, both parties need to agree on most of purchases alone can cut down some purchases which a single can easily make the decision. After all, we don’t want to keep our own shopping list without consulting our partner.
I respectfully disagree.
1. An apartment for two people is less expensive than two apartments for one.
2. Once you move in together, there’s a lot less going out.
3. Cooking a meal for two people is a lot easier to do than for one, just because of packaging and the like.
Is it possible that there is a big difference in perspective for guys (who often carry the load of dating costs) than for gals?
BD: lol..the dating clothes are good enough, but now I don’t want to embarass my wife with my *style* if we go out on a social outing. That speaks a lot about my clothing choices when I was younger.
Dimes: Yeah, it does depends on whether you were living frugally when single. Probably pretty much makes the term “frugal” very relative.
Jessie and SVB: Yep, that sounds more familiar to our case.
Sun and Josh: You guys must be spending a lot when you were single.
I agree that expenses are shared (for example, we need one TV instead of two and stuff)…but there are lot of add-ons too. In my case: eating out has increased, travel has increased, I used to share a big apt with 3 other guys (made the rent really cheap) now it’s only slightly smaller with just two of us sharing…and stuff like that. On the whole, my monthly expenditure is now more than twice the expenditure when I was single.
Josh: I am expecting disagreement. It’s possible, guys and gals have different perspective, but I am not very clear on that yet…I will search to see if someone has conducted a study in this matter.
Imaginary Diva and I are pretty good with our spending. In the begining, I used to leech off her pretty bad
But these days, we’re pretty frugal with our spending, especially since we want to buy a house and start a family in the near future.
I have to agree with Josh, on this one. Both when I was single and now, far and away my biggest expenses are housing and food - with general “non-food-related-entertainment” and work-related-techie-stuff the next two (but far distant) biggest categories. Of these categories, all but the last is significantly lower than when I was single.
My partner and I both, however, make a very conscious effort not to waste money. We take turns cooking most of our food from simple (but nutritious and flavorful!) staples bought mostly in bulk, we public transit it all over the city, and most of our entertainment is free or very cheap - free concerts, walks in the park, a glass or two of wine over a long scrabble game at our kitchen table.
Honestly, I think the biggest differences are from food and daily habits - although my friends and I used to try it, it’s just so much easier to share meal preparation with a partner than even a roommate. And “let’s just go for a long walk in the park instead!” just doesn’t work the same as an answer to an acquaintance who suggests meeting for drinks.
I do expect all of this to change dramatically when we have kids, however. In fact, it’s the realization that money will become significantly tighter at this point that keeps us frugal now, often.
For your above-mentioned guys/gals-statistics (or just in case you were curious), I’m female and my partner is male.
I think it’s about the same. i have moments of frugality and moments of spending, just like i did when i was single.
In my case, it has been easier to be frugal married because we use inverse truth tables. Instead of testing for “frugal->buy”, we test for “waste of money->don’t buy”. And if either partner says no, the end result is no. This has further filtered our purchase decisions. For example, I used to buy about 2+ books per month when I was single. My wife put an end with the excuse that my reading speed was too fast so the value/time was too low. So now I read all my books right in the store and save $50+ a month.
It’s much easier to be frugal and live cheaply now that I’m partnered, for sure. Food costs are way down for both of us (especially him–he was going out or buying pre-made food all the time, because he doesn’t know how to cook), booze costs are way down for me (he doesn’t drink at all, so I just gave it up–and don’t miss it), and we have to consult with each other for big-ticket items. Plus, I’ll be able to sell my car soon, which will allow us to sock more money away.
True and False
Like MossySF mentioned, we use inverse truth table too and unless both of us agree, its a no-buy. So that way, both of us (me in particular) are a lot more frugal than before marriage.
But as a married couple, there have been other “upgrades” (Eg. buying a house, entertaining more lavishly etc), which make it less frugal than being single.
It’s alot easier when you’re single to be frugal. Less hassle in making a decision.
It’s easier to say to myself “is this worth it,” instead of having to consult significant other. But on the downside, it could leave to unnecessary purchases because i’m only accountable to myself. =)
It’s Easier To Be Frugal When You Are Single; True Or False? …of course True
But if you have a frugal partner well it can be also False.
It all depends of you and your spouse.
I have seen it all frugal singles, broke singles, frugal couples broke cuples….
i’ll side with the insurance companies who see you as less of a risk for everything when you are married versus being single. This equates to being more frugal when married than single.
Guys, I think I will upload an *inverse* truth table also since most of you have had quite an opposite experience.
Tim: Probably insurance companies see increasing risk with increasing testosterone-driven behavior! :)…just a thought.
I can safely say that without my wife, I’d be HORRIBLY in debt. And, she would be living in an efficiency eating green beans out of a can.
I upgraded her lifestyle and she downgraded mine.
In terms of spending, it depends on the person and couple. Generally, while together(especially living together), it would seem that a couple would spend less than two singles (two housing costs and sets of utility bills vs one, etc). Also, a couple together doesn’t have to impress eachother, while a single may spend money on clothes, going out, paying for dates, etc.
CleverDude and Chris: Chris, what you are saying is supported by CleverDude’s experience…for him it was the more frugal when married, but his wife must be feeling less frugal than before.
Well, I’m more frugal now I’m single than when I had a boyfriend, but we didn’t live together. So, we spent a bunch of money on meeting up and doing stuff.
If I was living with someone, my bills (apart from food) would be nearly halved and I’d be more inclined to do proper cooking which would be cheaper.
plonkee: I know what you are saying. When my wife joined grad school…initially she got admission in a different school than mine and the long-distance stuff made things really expensive.
If you are single..perhaps sharing an apartment with another single person would be easier on your finances. However, I do understand that sometimes it may not be the best option.
You can be frugal living together (single or married) if you are both committed to being frugal and are not so in love that you forget what you learned about money. However, sometimes being married frugality can go out the window if the other person is not frugal and you feel like letting that person have their way. Also, since having kids I find it really hard to be frugal. It is a real challenge. I got into the bad habit of having my spendthrift husband have his way and now with kids ages 10, 6 and 3 I am trying to be frugal again. The best chance I have is explaining money to them (the kids) and trying to let relatives spoil them and avoid spending as much money. Last Christmas, my son age 10 only wanted santa clause to give him one thing a Nintendo DS which is pricey. Things were very tight so I let my aunt buy it and pretend it was from Santa. She also got a gameboy for my 6 yo. That saved me about $300.
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